Ordination

Every once and a while we are reminded on why we do what we do, and whose we really are. Today is ordination day. A day that we honor and launch persons to this peculiar calling called ministry. It is a grand time. It is an occasion that those who have gone before remember, and I mean remember. On that day everything slows down. In fact it drags out: all that takes place is hyper drive to others but not you. The songs, scriptures, even the sermon is slow until the actual act; then it hits you like a ton of bricks: you are ordained. The wave of emotion is not to be believed. It lowers itself as the spirit does leaving the residue of its covering that is amazing. You are ordained! The pinnacle of your ministry only it is fleeting. Long after the tears (and there are a lot of them) long after the congratulations, then you re left with the notion of what to do next. Because the Bishop has a surprise a church appointment with your name on it. Yes your name the weight of responsibility is now exponential: you have souls to deal with, lives that depend on you. No amount of training can prepare you. Prayers might sustain you but after ordination you are on your own, and God is good company.
I remember mine vividly. I smiled to myself as I went down memory lane, an event of almost 15 years ago. Then as i watched the ordinands, my eyes became wet with happiness and memory. The memory of the past and the potential before me, the struggle of this life and the casualties endured, the losses some small and unimportant; others too painful. Yet through it all I have learned that in all things God has called me and as I write this tears flow on the inside,as a public display would be to revealing to others.
So, the time to see where I am going approaches and I am full of expectation. Not that i want the largest but I want the challenge of a community, something that I have missed for 2 years. During these years I remember a picture seen long ago when life was pain free and the future was a figment of the imagination (what do we know at 20 anything????????!!!!!!!!!). It was called Monsignor. The scene at the end of the movie shows a reunification of the mentor now Pope and his mentoree returned to his office as Cardinal. When the two meet the Mentor reaches out his hand to allow the young priest to kiss his ring: a sign of respect for the office. In the beginning he shakes his hand (he is after all an American). But as the scene closes, he kisses the ring of the mentor. The Pope/mentor says you have changed, both of have. He inquires how isolation was for him: his pupil replies at first bitter, for blamed others for my failure (see the picture) a common theme that all of us have at sometime. Then it became ubearable, the easier, then acceptable, as I began to forgive myself. The Pope then says i need you, come back as soon as your affairs are in order. The Cardinal replies: I have done that already.
Like the cardinal I have experienced the bitterness of failure and blamed others, when it mine. And, during exile (that is the country) I held on to bitterness, and took it out on others (this is really painful, for those that know me). I have lost more than I care to loose but it was freedom for the good, and acceptance has allowed me to weep tears of healing. No matter what I am okay ready to go forth again into the vineyard flawed, but able too see clearly. This ordination day reminded me of what we really do, and I am grateful and have settled all my affairs.